Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
