nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
