Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
