Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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