the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
