Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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