He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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