i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
