he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
