ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
