I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
