if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
