Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It was a blind-side dick pic.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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