There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize