I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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