Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
