I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
