God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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