i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize