just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
