I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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