please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
