I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
