I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
