So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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