now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize