Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
