where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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