Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
