I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
