I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You can't special order awesome
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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