im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We're too hungover to prance.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
