I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
