So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
