can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
