We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
