I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
