No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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