I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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