Im at strip club and am horny
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
