I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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