Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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