as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize