you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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