I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize