I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
