how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
