So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
