dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize