She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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