so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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