Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
