the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
