woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
