dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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