There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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