I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
