I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
