I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
