I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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