I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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