I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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