My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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