I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
