Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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