It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
