My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Still dying that you shit outside
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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