He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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